Caring for someone with dementia can be incredibly rewarding, but it can also be physically and emotionally exhausting.

Many family carers eventually reach a point where they need a short break to recharge, attend to their own health or spend time with other family members.

For many families, that means considering respite care .

Yet the thought of a loved one staying in a care home, even for a short period, can be filled with guilt, anxiety and uncertainty.

These are common concerns.

With careful planning and the right approach, respite care can be a positive experience for both the person living with dementia and the people who care for them.

Start planning respite care before you desperately need it

One of the biggest mistakes families make is waiting until they are completely exhausted before arranging respite care.

When respite is organised during a crisis, everyone is under pressure.

You may have limited time to find a suitable care home, complete assessments and explain the person’s needs to staff.

If circumstances allow, start exploring respite while things are relatively stable.

Choose the right care home for dementia respite

Not every care home is the right fit for someone living with dementia.

When visiting homes, look beyond the décor and ask yourself what life actually appears to be like for the people living there.

Ask how the home supports people who become anxious, confused or distressed in unfamiliar surroundings.

A good dementia care home should want to learn about the person, not simply their diagnosis.

Make the first visit relaxed

The first visit should not feel like an assessment.

Instead, treat it as an opportunity to explore.

If they enjoy chatting with people, encourage conversation with residents or staff.

If they prefer quieter environments, spend time somewhere peaceful.

Visit more than once if you can

Very few people feel completely comfortable in an unfamiliar environment after a single visit.

If possible, arrange several visits before the respite stay.

Each visit can build recognition.

Over time, the building, staff and even other residents can begin to feel familiar.

That familiarity may help reduce anxiety when the actual respite stay begins.

Have lunch at the care home

If the care home offers this option, having lunch there can be one of the most useful ways to experience everyday life in the home.

It allows your loved one to:

It also gives you an opportunity to see how staff interact with residents when the home is operating normally.

Join an activity together

If possible, stay for one of the organised activities.

Taking part together can help your loved one associate the care home with something enjoyable rather than something to fear.

Many families are surprised by how much their relative enjoys activities they would never choose to do at home.

Tell the care home about the person, not just the dementia

A diagnosis tells staff only a small part of someone’s story.

The care team needs to understand who the person is, how they normally behave and what makes them feel comfortable.

Bring familiar belongings from home

Even a short respite stay can feel more comfortable when familiar possessions come too.

Check with the care home about valuable or irreplaceable possessions before bringing them in.

What should you do on the first overnight stay?

When the day arrives, keep things as calm and ordinary as possible.

Avoid repeatedly telling your loved one how worried you are or making the departure feel like a major emotional event.

Staff are experienced at helping new residents settle, so allow them time to establish rapport.

If possible, agree beforehand with the care team how the first few hours will be handled and who will contact you if there are concerns.

Should you visit someone with dementia during respite care?

This is one of the questions families ask most often.

Unfortunately, there is no single answer.

For some people, regular visits provide reassurance and help them settle.

For others, every visit restarts the process of saying goodbye and can increase confusion or distress.

Much depends on:

• The stage of dementia
• The person’s personality
• How they are settling
• The length of the respite stay
• What the care team observes

We explore this question in much more detail here:

What if they say they want to come home?

This can be heartbreaking.

It is natural to want to immediately end the stay when your loved one says they want to come home.

But try not to make a major decision based on one difficult conversation.

Speak to the care team and ask what they are seeing throughout the day.

A short, emotional phone call from your relative does not necessarily tell you what the whole day has been like.

Should you tell someone with dementia about respite care in advance?

There is no universal answer.

Some people benefit from being involved in planning and knowing what is going to happen.

Others become increasingly anxious when an unfamiliar event is discussed repeatedly days or weeks in advance.

If the person has capacity to make the relevant decision, their wishes and choices must be respected. If there are questions about capacity or consent, families should understand the principles of the Mental Capacity Act .

Can NHS Continuing Healthcare pay for dementia respite care?

Some families discover during the respite process that their loved one’s needs have become far greater than they realised.

If the person has complex, intense or unpredictable health needs, it may be appropriate to ask whether an NHS Continuing Healthcare (CHC) assessment should be considered.

If your relative already requires significant nursing care, frequent interventions or has increasingly complex needs, it may be appropriate to ask the relevant NHS body whether a CHC assessment is appropriate.

Can the council help pay for dementia respite care?

Potentially.

Respite care may form part of a package of support following assessment of the person’s needs and/or the needs of the unpaid carer.

If you are struggling to continue caring, consider asking the local authority about:

Depending on the circumstances, a financial assessment may then determine whether the person is expected to contribute towards care.

For the wider picture, read our guide to respite care costs .

What if you’re unhappy with the care?

Most respite stays go well.

However, if you have concerns, raise them early.

Start by speaking to the nurse in charge, senior carer or home’s manager.

Many problems can be resolved quickly through open communication.

If your concerns remain, ask for the home’s formal complaints procedure.

Concerns about dignity, safety, medication, nutrition, falls, personal care or poor communication should not simply be ignored because the stay is temporary.

Can dementia respite care become permanent?

Sometimes a respite stay helps a family realise that permanent residential care may eventually be needed.

This can happen because the person’s needs have increased, because caring at home has become unsustainable or because the respite stay demonstrates that the person can actually thrive in a care environment.

If permanent care is being considered, reassess the person’s needs, wishes, capacity, funding position and whether the home is genuinely suitable for long-term care.

Our care-home selection guide can help with that decision.

Frequently asked questions about dementia respite care

More Carentis guides for families

Remember why you’re taking a break

Many family carers feel guilty about respite care.

You may worry that your loved one will think you have abandoned them, or that needing help somehow means you have failed.

It doesn’t.

Looking after someone with dementia is a marathon, not a sprint.

Taking time to rest, recover and spend time with the rest of your family can help you return to your caring role with more energy, patience and resilience.

That benefits both you and the person you care for.

For the wider picture, start with our complete guide to respite care in the UK .